How does this peice of writing sound to you, please be tuthfull, im in grade 7?

well it sounds good for a yr 7 student but try to use "he" instead of saying "Rudi" in most sentences. also try to link the sentences together and im not saying dont use full stops. im saying try to make ur sentences not sound fragmented because it doesnt sound interesting or catchy well it is in a way but theres still room for improvement. hope i helped